To some, finding out that you are diagnosed with a mental disorder, can feel like such a scary and lonely place to be. Having to face yourself and deal with what is wrong with you at the core can be overwhelming and even cause major physical symptoms such as anxiety and depression. But for some of us, we use this as a fuel to drive us to change our mental habits.
As I discovered that I had to deal with borderline personality disorder(BPD), anxiety and depression, I had to come to a harsh reality that I am the one that is in control of my mind and that if I really want to change my mind, I had to make up my mind. I had to learn how to discipline my mind. How can I change from negative thinking to positive thinking. I needed to find ways to retrain my brain.
So my reading began. I delved into the internet looking for ways to discipline my mind. Reading books, listening to audio books, turning off the TV and finding new ways to change my thinking. I knew that I was going to have to push myself in ways that I couldn’t even imagine. I had to begin to do things that I knew were good for me but were hard for me to do. I knew what that first thing would be. And so, it started with a morning walk………..
One of the hardest things for me to do is to get up early in the morning, much less go for a walk. So one night, I set my alarm for 6 am and decided that I was going to make an appointment with myself, without fail and do this every morning. I wish I could say that moving forward every day then after, I woke up every morning pumped and full of adrenaline. That definitely was not the case. The next morning, as my alarm annoyingly went off, I looked outside and dreaded even taking off my nice warm blankets. I sulked as I got dressed and headed out. I got into my car and drove to a walking trail, put some headphones on, listened to a motivational speech and headed down the path.
As I began to walk and I took in the fresh crisp morning air, I began to suddenly feel refreshed and empowered and had begun to power walk without even noticing it. I realized that I was enjoying this walk. It was my alone time, away from my kids (whom I love dearly) and my boyfriend (whom I also love dearly). A much needed time where I was getting myself back to a healthy place physically and mentally. By the end of my walk, aside from being tired, I felt great and accomplished. 2 miles my first walk. It was amazing. I began to see that it was all about how I chose to look at the situations in my life. So I decided that I needed to change my perception.
At that moment, I experienced a true paradigm shift. Since then, everyday is another step closer to a greater me. I can choose to be my worst enemy or choose to be my best friend. I have chosen to love myself enough to push myself harder to continue to discipline my mind into a new mindset. A place of true mental freedom. I would love to continue sharing my journey so that you may see that anything is possible when we really want it bad enough. My cloud 9.