The fear of abandonment or even perceived fear of abandonment is a real, roller coaster emotion that comes with having BPD. I had been dealing with this problem for a very very long time and didn’t even know it. I knew that whenever I even had the thought that someone was leaving me, it put me into a frenzy. A tornado of emotions going every which way.
My anger had become uncontrollable. Lasting for days at a time. My trauma and pain take over when I feel vulnerable. I stay stuck in the feeling of my past traumas. Remembering the pain and hurt of abandonment makes me feel awful. I try to do everything in my power to keep it from happening. It can be so draining on the mind and soul.
This has so far proven to be the hardest mental opposition that I have had to face up to in my recovery to mental wellness. Understanding that perceived abandonment is just that….perceived. I am still in the process of getting over this hump, but it has proven to be a challenge.
Having to go through that mental shift is easier said than done. It is difficult when you are in that moment and you are trying to fight your thoughts. I have been experimenting with different methods to help me ultimately free myself of this mind debilitating demon. I have found that there are certain things you can practice to help you get through this hump and slowly begin to live the life that you are destined to have.
I have found that by listening to morning affirmations and meditation time before my walks is very helpful in getting my mind set right at the beginning of the day. I have been told that what you listen to in the first 20 minutes of your morning is what sets the tone for the rest of your day. It is very important to start off your morning with the right attitude and mindset. Exercise is very important to help get you mentally strong. Exercise is the hardest thing for most of us to do. When we are able to discipline ourselves to do what we find difficult to do, it tells our brains that we can accomplish other difficult tasks as well.
Psychology Today explains that the presence of a healthy mind allows human beings to understand life experiences, stay in touch with their emotions, and more. High quality of mental health allows you to process things clearly and move through the world productively. Being a mentally healthy individual impacts the way you feel about yourself, how you interact with others, and so much more.
By exercising regularly, you can actively take steps to improve your mental health. Believe it or not, every little bit counts, even if you are not consciously aware of the benefits that each session of exercise has on your mental health.
I have also found that constantly talking to myself and counteracting my thoughts with my words helps tremendously when I am in that moment. Telling myself that my significant other loves me and that I am perceiving something that is not real sometimes makes me stop and keep my thoughts from moving forward. Even though my thoughts are telling me this is real, that my world is going to practically fall apart right in front of me. I have to understand that they are only thoughts and that at the end of the day, I control my thoughts. I can change my perception.
In the end, having BPD makes it harder to see or understand your worth. But once the cloud of insecurity, doubt and fear are taken out of the equation, you begin to see your worth, your value, your beauty and your purpose. Although you will have failure along the way, don’t give up. Your next mistake may be a breakthrough to your next huge success. Don’t be afraid to fail and get back up. In the end, it is what ultimately creates a warrior.