One of the steps on my journey is taking time to look back at the experiences that I went through. Looking deep beyond the dark times and places in my life and understand what lessons I was meant to learn from each experience. Did I learn from my mistakes? Am I repeating any of the same behaviors? What could I have done differently? Not in terms of changing the other person, but what choices could I have made that could have brought on a different outcome? What better decisions could I make now? This is only part of the inner dialogue that goes on inside my head everyday. But how has this helped me grow?
Taking time to look back on these things was crucial for me on my journey. I really needed to reevaluate my choices, my decisions that led to a lot of my downfalls. One of the biggest lessons that I have had to learn in life is that you cant assume that everyone is going to be genuine just because you are. Understanding that the only person that I can ultimately control is myself. I can’t control tomorrow or the future, or whether someone else is going to make me happy. I know that a lot of my insecurities come from allowing myself to go through things I should have not allowed on my part.
Today I am taking more time to think about the decisions I make everyday. I went through a lot of physical, verbal, mental and emotional abuse. I suffered these things because I chose to ignore many of my instincts and chose to only see the good in everyone. Truth is that not everyone is good. Some people are out there intentionally trying to hurt others. Being wise in knowing who I allow in my life has become such an important decision in my life. Surrounding myself with the right people has only helped my growth. I am finally discovering myself and finding that I love myself the more I get to know the true me. I now understand that I need genuine love. That the only person who is going to provide that is…….me. I decide what I allow and what I don’t allow. Part of my personal growth experience is learning that no one else can take this journey with you. It’s personal for a reason. Although we can get support from others, the hard work has to be done by you. The mental storms have to be dealt with by you and only you. Going it alone can be tough, but it is in these times that I find myself even more. It is in the alone times when I am examining myself that I discover the great qualities that I have and what I have to offer the world. My story. Told in a way that only I can tell it.
As I continue to share my story and continue to grow mentally and spiritually. Everything else slowly starts to fall in place. I grow more confident in myself, I begin to understand more closely what I need in my life and what I am willing to allow and no longer willing to allow. I understand that I need to admit to my mistakes and faults honestly, so that I can truly deal with my insecurities and my emotional state clearly. This is only the beginning of my growth and I know that I have so much more to learn. But I am eager to see what the future holds when I reach my full capability. It gives me such hope that no matter what you have been through, it is never too late to start over and be the person that you have always been meant to be.
The storms will never completely go away, but it is how you escape and deal with them that matters. Not letting the storms of life tear you down. Instead using them to propel you forward. Taking the lesson that life is trying to teach you, being the student and learning how to maneuver through life, keeping our emotions in check as much as we can and building emotional intelligence. Truly getting to know and love yourself. Knowing that you have a story to tell and no one can tell it quite like you..