My first thought when I see the word “con” is to think of an “ex-convict” or a person who is out to deceive or scam you. Nothing nice or positive about that. So I wondered how could those three little letters be used in the prefix of two amazing words that helped change my life?
Conviction–The act of convincing a person of error or of compelling the admission of a truth.
My mind has slowly begun to make a complete shift from where I was a little over a year ago. Since starting my journey, I can say that everyday has been an adventure in some way. Be it mentally, physically or spiritually. I have discovered new things about myself, I didn’t think possible before.
Of course, I didn’t just wake up one morning and say “hey, I need to change myself today!” It has been a long, slow process. But it all started with conviction. Many times in my life, I made bad choices and bad decisions that after dealing with the consequences, I felt true remorse and changed those things. Being able to admit my wrongs has been a starting point in my wellness recovery.
Without conviction, I wouldn’t feel bad when I was doing wrong. Without conviction, I would not know that some of the things I was doing wrong, were wrong to begin with. Feeling bad about certain things that I do, that remorse, fuels me to be better everyday so that I don’t ever have to feel that way again.
Conviction has taught me that I am not perfect and that I am always going to make mistakes. As long as I always feel conviction for my wrongdoings, I know there is a chance to fix them and make them right. Feeling remorse is our minds way of telling us that change needs to happen.
confrontation-the clashing of forces or ideas
Growing up involved in gangs and that type of hostile environment, I was forced to deal with confrontation on a day to day basis. Although it is not something we are accustomed doing. We deal with it in everyday life. I used to look at this word in such a negative light.
Now I can honestly say that this has become a new empowering word for me. One thing I know is that although I dealt with confrontation in a negative way when I was younger, I found new meaning and strength in that word. I experienced confrontation in a whole new way. I’m not talking about any kind of confrontation but the type where you face yourself.
Where you take all the hurts and the pain and you begin to self examine yourself. Truly see what you need to change and confront all your ugly demons. That is the hardest part of this journey. Confronting everything that hurts and deciding that I am not going to let that define me. Instead,
I am going to use it to show me the mistakes that I have made and make better decisions the next time around. Confrontation has been a daily part of my routine. Every time I feel myself going backwards, I confront and challenge myself. This is how I keep pushing forward mentally.
I can now look at my trials as challenges. I see them as new opportunities to learn something new about myself. I am able to approach situations more confidently and able to love me in a whole new way and know that I have value. That I am worth more than I gave myself credit for.
I can honestly say that after 43 years of being the way that I was. Carrying all the trauma that I carried. I thought it would be impossible for me to let go of ways of thinking, my insecurities, my loss of self-identity. I was too far gone and scarred for repair. I want you to know that it is NEVER too late to change. The mind is such a powerful tool. We can’t even begin to understand what our minds are capable of. If you can slowly start learning to quiet your mind through different techniques, it really helps to begin your journey with a clear mind. You must confront yourself honestly. Looking within yourself for what needs to be changed. Deciding to push your hardest, creates a new self-identity. A stronger, wiser, more happy version of you.