40 Years In The Wilderness

Mentally lost in the wilderness


I walked around so lost in the world. Oblivious that this life is only temporary. I spent 40 years walking around blind. Lost to a path that had been laid out before me. I chose to get distracted along the way. Those distractions all came with a price. And only after 40 years am I finally getting to enter a small portion of a land flowing with milk and honey. A paradise of complete mental freedom. I’m slowly reaching my Mental Cloud 9.

I can truly say that the road getting here today has been not only tiring and brutal, but mentally it has matured me in a way that I never thought was possible for me. One thing about progress is that it is continuous. You never stop growing or learning.

There is a well known story from the bible that talks about the people wandering in the wilderness for 40 years due to their complaints and unbelief. I can honestly say that I relate to this story, in more ways than I would of liked.

In the story, the people are looking to enter into a land flowing with milk and honey. But because of things that happened along the way, their unbelief, their complaints, distractions, and disobedience. They died wandering for 40 years and never seeing freedom.

My journey

It took 40 years of my life, to really start living. I finally realized that everything is a choice, that only I control those choices, and that complaining doesn’t change anything. Only then did I begin to feel true mental freedom.

Knowing that I can make the decision each day to make choices that are going to get me closer to my dreams, fills me with excitement. I have had control this whole time.

I allowed my choices to be clouded because of everything going on around me and not what I really wanted. Others opinions and judgments, my concern for the likes and dislikes of others.

Once I began to see myself for who I truly was, the value that I brought to the table, and started doing what I really wanted; it felt like taking in a whole new deep, fresh breath of air. Refreshing and renewing.


I am grateful for the second opportunity to really start living life. To see that nothing is impossible except for what I make impossible. I am on this road to recovery and complete freedom from mental health. Although it is a daily battle, it is a battle that can be won.

In the story of the people lost in the wilderness, they died wandering and never getting to see their promised land. This is where my story is different. I will not be one of the ones who dies searching for the promised land.

I have been inspired by seeing the persistence and determination of others who have been through so much. Knowing that we are people who have the capabilities of overcoming the worst of situations.

As humans, we can overcome any obstacle that is put in our way, if we really use our minds. We are resilient and built tougher than we realize. Just know that you are worth putting effort into. You were made with a purpose. Go after it.

3 Replies to “40 Years In The Wilderness”

  1. Silvia, your writing, journey, and analogies in this post are empowering. I went through difficult times in my younger years and like you mention it can be “tiring and brutal” but I believe those who have walked, or crawled through dark times, and held on, truly understand the brilliance and power of the light. ✨ Best to you on your journey. Keep shining! 💖

    Liked by 2 people

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