I began this journey to completely change myself and take control of my depression, anger, and BPD. I wanted to be able to retrain my mind to overcome the stigma. I chose to face this the hard way and focus on what I needed to change internally and not focus on what those around me had done.
I knew that this road was not going to be easy. I knew I was in for a bumpy road. So far, it has turned out to be eye-opening, to say the least. I knew that there was something bigger and better for me out there. I just needed to hold on to a vision. A vision that gave me purpose.
I had begun a routine every morning to begin walking to help motivate me and better my health. Every time I went out to walk, I had this freeing experience. I realized that this was something that I needed not only for my physical health but for a mental restart. It was how I started out my days. The beginning of vision.
There is something about being out around nature by yourself early in the morning, being able to take in all that the environment has to offer. Having that one-on-one conversation with your higher power and drawing the energy needed for the rest of the day. Taking that deep breath and feeling the fresh air just give off a scent of liberation. It became my motivation.
The journey gets rough, and I often feel as though I can not travel down the path much longer. Because along that road, there are many distractions. Distractions are strategically placed as a stumbling block to keep you from your purpose.
As time went by, I felt myself becoming comfortable again. Not pushing myself as much as I should. I did not go on my walks, I began to focus on negative thoughts, and not allow myself to see the good in what I was doing. This slowly began to pull me back to a familiar place.
Abandonment and the fear of it have been my stumbling block. It is the one shackle in my mind that I have been unable to fully detach from. It is what holds me back from moving forward to my full potential. Realizing that this is my problem doesn’t make it easier to change it.
I have learned that situations around me will not change. I do have control of myself and how I react to different situations. I can change myself to deal with all the things happening around me. I can choose to see the best in me and live peacefully, loving who I am.
The hardest lesson I have had to learn on this journey is just learning to let go. Letting go of past hurts and traumas. Letting go of old habits, old mindsets, old emotions. Although letting go is difficult at times, when you do, it’s like taking that deep breath in the morning and getting that scent of deliverance that makes you feel refreshed.
I have come to realize that letting go of the parts of me that have been damaged and hurt, as hard as it may be, has brought new strengths and new opportunities to shine where I never thought I could. As old doors close, new ones open.
Each new door leads down a road never imagined before. Find your vision. Find something to look forward to and hold on to it with everything you have. Find your road to success. Success comes in all shapes and forms. Most importantly, it is finding peace in the life you have lived and continue to live in.
Knowing that you are so unique that no one else in the world has the same fingerprint as you. We may be similar in many ways, but we have been uniquely made. Each one serves a different purpose. How are you going to choose to leave your trademark?
Nothing in life comes easy. The easily attainable things are not always what makes us happy. Most of the time, it’s the things that we have to work hard for. The things that frighten us the most. Once you get over that fear, you find peace. True peace.
Peace comes at a price. But a price worth paying. Be completely comfortable with yourself and love yourself regardless of what is going on around you or to you. This year, make it the year to love and focus on yourself.
Doing what is best for you regardless of what others think. Take the time to focus and love yourself. To get to know yourself all over again. To fall in love with yourself. Find confidence in your uniqueness.