Life is so full of surprises. It’s like the saying from Forrest Gump goes, “Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what your gonna get.” Never has this saying rang true to me more than now. The last 2 years have been a whirlwind of self-discovery moments, emotional chaos, and heartbreak and pain.
Never have I learned to really practice living one day at a time as I have learned to live now. Through some of the lowest and highest moments of my life, God has taught me that you really do not have control over how people and things will turn out to be. You can only brace yourself for the ride and make sure you are strapped in securely, or you will most definitely fall off when things get bumpy.
Life really is based on perspective. How you choose to look at life and what it throws at you. Everything in life is placed with a purpose. God knows what tomorrow brings, and it is there to teach you important lessons. It prepares you for what is coming. Life has a way of placing people, places, or events in your life at the right time.
More recently, I have been stripped down naked inside my soul in this life. I have seen how life and people are so unpredictable. It has taught me a new appreciation for family and for true friends. But most importantly, it has given me a new appreciation for myself.
I have learned a new appreciation for my weaknesses. I have learned that in my weaknesses, God shows His strength. My flesh takes a back seat, and my spirit is strengthened. I realized that after everything life has to throw at me, I am still here. I have elevated myself, and that has made all the difference.
I walked into darkness only to find the light. As ironic as that sounds. What I thought would be my moment of despair turned out to be my saving grace. It was always me. Not to be cocky or conceited, but to appreciate and value my worth and what I bring to the table. To see what I had failed to see for so long. A vision I had allowed others to take away from me.
Having BPD can really affect the way you view yourself. You have days when you feel beautiful and others when you don’t feel that way. It is a perception roller coaster. But when you see beyond just the physical beauty and begin to see the inner beauty, it changes your perception.
I know this sounds easier said than done. But this came with time and with a mixture of every emotion possible. With work and dedication. Through laughter and tears. Through times of confusion and despair, times of happiness and sadness. I learned the importance of self-talk and learning to accept yourself. Flaws and all.
Although these last two years have been a whirlwind of life lessons, the biggest lesson that I have learned is that no one can value you fully until you know to love yourself and see all your greatness. To walk with your head high when it seems like everything around you is placed there to trip you up.
But when you are stripped down to your core. You begin to see what you are really made of and what you are capable of. You see your inner strength in its full glory, and you learn a new appreciation for your strength and determination. Life is not about not failing. It’s about failing and learning. Learning to do things differently, love differently, to see things differently.
It’s all about shifting your perspective, and life will just work things out independently. Your path will just open up before you as you learn to do you. Small portions at a time, keeping you from not rushing down the walkway of life, but to take it steps at a time, learning to capture your steps each time and how they are placed. Make sure that you place your feet securely and place them firmly each time you take a step. Always keep your eyes fixed on the prize.