We go about our days never really thinking much about the people we cross daily. So many of us walking around broken from the everyday storms and traumas this life brings.
There is a saying “looks can be deceiving,” and that never rang truer than when it comes to mental health. So many people walk around functionally dysfunctional and hide it very well. I should know; I was one of those people.
I was the one hiding behind my trauma and shame and hurt, but appearing to have it all together when nothing was farther than the truth. I was a control freak and always had to have everything under my control, or my emotions would go all out of whack.
One thing for sure was that I had mastered the art of hiding it from others. My insecurities, my traumas, my fears. I was functionally dysfunctional for many years. I came to a point in my life where I had to finally face myself. Stripped raw and naked in a way I had never seen myself before. For a moment, I saw myself through a different set of lenses.
Forced to see me in a whole new light. Taking my dysfunctions, allowing them to come to light, and facing them head-on for the first time. I no longer wanted to walk in my dysfunction but a master at beating it rather than hiding it.
Every day with BPD is a new challenge for me. Finding new ways to master my emotions and not allow them to be the reasons behind my decisions. To not be impulsive. I have to battle my thoughts and emotions daily. I have learned to surrender to God and battle with my mind instead of my feelings.
It has been said that there is no cure for those with BPD, and that may be true. But it is also not impossible to be stronger and rise above your diagnosis. Our minds were made with a strength that we have not even delved deep enough to understand.
There is hope in not having to walk around being functionally dysfunctional. We can walk around in the hope that every day that we battle with our thoughts and emotions is another day we have taken the right steps towards finding our mental cloud 9. Rising above our diagnosis and not allowing our disorder to create our borders.
Mentalcloud9 