Mind Unafraid

I found myself in a familiar place again. The overwhelming feeling of anxiety, the cold sweats, the uneasiness of not knowing. I had been here before. Many times.

Except for this time, things were different. I was different. Having a borderline personality disorder can be very difficult to control. Not being able to regulate my emotions was one of the hardest things I had to learn to deal with.

Before being diagnosed, I allowed my anxiety and anger to take me to an ugly place. I let it keep me angry and made decisions stemming from a place of emotion rather than a place of rational thinking.

This pushed me to make impulsive decisions that would later affect my everyday life. Whenever I felt afraid, neglected, or hurt, I would lash out through anger and rage. I would push everyone away by putting up walls all around me.

After being diagnosed, as I went through this journey, I learned many important lessons that helped shift my perspective completely. I began to understand that the only thing I can control is myself and how I choose to look at life.

It taught me to live life one day at a time. I needed to be present in the moment to fully appreciate what was ahead of me. I can now take my mind to a place of reason rather than impulsivity.

When I feel overwhelmed or insecure, I can remind myself that I am valuable, that I matter, that I have worth, and that there is purpose in everything. My trials are there to make me stronger.

With higher levels, there are higher demons to conquer. All placed to elevate you to the next level. To sharpen your mind and prepare you for the trials to come. Understanding this has made me a new person.

I can now choose to not allow these things to take over. I can choose to be happy instead of angry. To have joy instead of frustration. To make sound decisions rather than impulsive ones.

These things did not happen overnight. It took almost 3 years and many difficult lessons to fully grasp my control over my life. It is a daily process of checking yourself and allowing yourself to be flawed.

Recognizing your flaws gives you a platform to change. You learn that you make mistakes, but you can also take control and decide to use your flaws to grow. Even more with a mental health disorder. The process may seem a little harder, but never impossible.

I choose to walk with my head held high, knowing I am powerful. I control where my life goes. Like everyone else’s, my mind is resilient, strong, intelligent, and determined. You are the pilot of your own destination. Make this trip worth it! Just do it with a mind, unafraid.